5 Phrases That Will Help You Stay in Control of Difficult Conversations

In Finance, you’d like to have the right words, at the right time, all the time.

Still, it’s nearly impossible — especially in difficult conversations. 

But if you have a few “power phrases” ready for difficult conversations or uncomfortable situations, you will hit the right chord more often than not.

Confidence Works in Difficult Conversations

“People who communicate with confidence are calm and in control,” says Liz Uram, author of Communicate Like a Boss: Every Day Leadership Skills That Produce Real Results. “However, it can be hard to keep your cool if you aren’t equipped with the right tools.”

That’s why a few canned phrases – and the sincerity – can help reduce frustrations, calm anger and show empathy.

The better part, they work regardless of the reason for the difficult conversation.

Uram suggests using these phrases:

‘That sounds really difficult’

Some people might come to you saying they want help, and they vent for quite a while.

But pay attention: If you offer a solution to the issue and they give reasons why it won’t work, it’s likely they actually don’t want your advice.

They aren’t telling you about the problem to find a solution: They more likely just want you to listen and show some empathy.

Say, “That sounds really difficult,” to validate their feelings, give them room to say their piece, and move on.

‘I agree …’

These two words are effective at stopping arguments and quieting irrational behavior. They can stop aggression in its tracks and eliminate arguments.

Even better, you don’t have to agree with everything they say. Just find a nugget to agree with.

For instance, “I agree this is frustrating” or “I agree we need to do something.” Then you can move toward a resolution.

‘I noticed …’

When you need to start a conversation to address issues, you want to avoid quantifiers such as, “You always … ” or “You never … ”

Instead, be specific, but take the onus off the other person.

Try these examples:

• “I noticed your reports were late three times this week. Is there something we can work on together to help you get them done on time?”
• “I noticed you raised your voice and used angry words with Rich in our last two meetings. Is there something more I should know about?”

‘I need your agreement’

Sometimes you need to tell employees things they don’t want to hear. Or you need them to do things they’re reluctant to do.

Avoid saying, “You need to … ” “You must … ” or “You have to … ”

Instead, gain acceptance to an idea they don’t love by saying, “I need your agreement to … ”

‘What are you going to do about it?’

Finance leaders want to be empathetic with employees, colleagues and customers. But you can’t solve all their problems.

So when capable people bring you problems, put them in control. Say, “What are you going to do about it?” And encourage their good ideas.

Bottom line: The words you use early in a potentially difficult conversation are the key to turning it into a positive outcome.